It's Not Easy Being Green

I'm on blood thinners, so bruising is not new to me. In 10th grade, I collided with a really big piece of PVC pipe and experienced a rainbow of colors extending from my jaw (the site of impact) all the way up my right cheek. But the kind of bruising I'm experiencing from my biventricular ICD and lead implant is a little different. First of all, I'm green. I skipped all the blue and purple and just went straight to green. I'm the color of that yellow-green crayon in the box that we all used for coloring grass (but we all know that the jungle green crayon is the prettiest green in the box). I'm ten days post-op and despite the appearance, I feel pretty good. The weird part is (and I'm sure there are multiple weird parts), the swelling and the actual ICD is fairly clear of bruising. The green is mostly on the side where the tiny lead was placed. But "placed" is not exactly the right word, because as I was told, that lead was "jammed in my chest." Why? Because there is so much crap in my chest that they really had to force it in there. There was no room on the ICD side and they spent three hours trying to get it in there. They also struggled with getting it on the right side, because they weren't able to string the wire and guide it through a vein to my heart. They forced it through my pectoral muscles and under by ribcage to finally get it to my left ventricle. And they almost gave up and closed me up, deciding to go through my side and place the lead on the outside of my heart. The entire procedure took six hours. I am so grateful for my surgeon and all the doctors and nurses who were involved in my procedure for making it so clean and not giving up.

On a less serious note, when I was thirteen I did a production of "The Wizard of Oz." Guess who I played?

That's right: the Wicked Witch of the West. Funny.